I am a Listorian at heart. I use a handful of lists to get through each day. This can be to-do lists, wish lists, even a tv schedule. They help me to create order out of chaos. I want this post to be a collection of all my favourite things, a place where I can go to when I lack happy thoughts. Needless to say: this post will be forever under construction. Feel free to drop in, if you need some inspiration yourself.
I passed and so did my nine classmates! Our proclamation was a truly intimate and pleasant one. All our teachers, except for one, were present. In addition to our official certificate, we received a rose and a collage of pictures from our group assignments as a reminder of our journey and each other. We chatted about life’s pleasures and struggles, until it was time to say goodbye. I will genuinely miss some of them. The absence of the course will hit me hard, as my temporary job ends at the same time. I will hold on to and cherish my memories.
I never thought I’d live to see the day: finals are over and done with. The course is completed, that is if I passed all my finals. These last weeks were intense. I went to work by day, attended classes afterwards and had to study and prepare in between of social commitments and sleep. Result: I am exhausted.
Hurray, the group assignment went great! Our teacher was enthusiastic, but then again she gets excited easily. Even though we only had five participants - excluding two teachers and the four of us - the one and a half hour of our activity flew by. We had an open and sincere conversation about first names and identity. I did get nervous and trembled a lot when it was my turn to speak, but nevertheless I enjoyed the evening. Both the content and sight of our book table was appealing. We pimped it with some fun and subject-related games. Our grade for the group assignment will be added up with those of our individual role-play and theoretical exam. The former went moderately okay, the latter was less successful. Could it be that passing this subject is within reach?
My last exam was a really tough one. I saw more than one defeated face among my classmates afterwards. I did not do well either. I most certainly blundered and messed about. It is hard to estimate my chances. Crossing my fingers.
Next Thursday our results will be revealed. I’m awaiting the outcome of two earlier subjects as well. If all turns out positively, we get our certificate at the same time. If not, we will have to repeat those subjects. Re-examinations are not an option. I have yet another tiring week ahead of me, so time to worry will be limited. Though I’m really not looking forward to failing. Stay tuned for news!
One task down, another one to go. One summary finished, another one still pending. My subject material is not sticking to my cranium yet and time is passing too fast for my taste. Finals will be here in a blink. I will have to try my best, even when I’m not nearly as prepared as I want to be. I want that certificate already!
If I keep sleeping so horribly after evening classes, I will not make it far into the new year. I hardly have any energy to spare and the classes and group assignment are draining. The combination with a nearly full-time job is almost impossible. It is the last straw that breaks the camel’s back. I’m secretly counting down the days.
In spite of my exhaustion, I think I passed my latest final. Though my biggest challenges are yet to come: an undefinable final taking place in an unfamiliar library, the ever-tiresome group assignment and being closely watched and judged while settling a burdensome situation. I could use a fast-forward button.
Against all odds the group members liked my first draft of the invitation. They actually brought up some constructive feedback. I just have to make a few more tweaks and we’re ready to go. All is not a bed of roses however. There is already talk about complicating the further execution of our project. Oh boy.
For crying out loud. Why on earth do my fellow group members need to overcomplicate everything? Unexpectedly we had to switch our target group. Instead of figuring out how to adapt our existing idea - which honestly was almost impossible to realize all by itself - they wanted to start from scratch. I urged on the fact that we already had a valid concept. But only after hearing our teacher and target group being enthusiastic about it, they grasped they had to keep it. Once again, I am invisible. At present we are merging two ideas into one, and while I’m not entirely happy about that, I will have to resign myself to it.
Our invitation is due next week. In an attempt to bring the lingering to an end, I stated to get started on it. My heart is in my mouth, however. I hope they finally are willing to cooperate, instead of endlessly discussing and disputing.
One thing is sure: I have a hell of a busy road ahead of me. Yesterday I got a call with the news that I landed a job. It is temporary, though they cannot say how long the commitment will last. To be clear, the job has nothing to do with books. I will have to combine my profession with demanding evening classes, tasks and exams. How to manage, I honestly don’t know. I will need to take particularly good care of myself. Sleep will be essential, studying needs to be short and snappy.
Motivational slogan for the days to come: quality over quantity.
Meanwhile at the group assignment: the one known classmate has bailed on me. That means I have to rely entirely on the three from the other course, from which two feel superior. I hope this works out. Think happy thoughts!
I had the most terrifying lesson the other day. We had to recite - not one, not two - three poems in front of the class. All of the others were so eloquent, but of course my anxiety got the better of me. I spoke too softly. Voice volume has always been an obstacle, one that I just can’t seem to overcome. On top of that my nerves made me read too fast and trembling didn’t do my gestures any justice.
Group assignments guarantee anxiety and concerns. We had to form groups for our upcoming task based upon our preference of target audience. Only groups intimidate me so much, I’d rather make my choice upon who joins the group. However it didn’t turn out that way, as I will be joining three classmates from another course who only follow this subject together with us. At least I still have one regular classmate to rely on. I’m lacking faith at present, but I hope my insecurities and suspicious nature subside while we figure out the assignment.
One subject down. Three to go. When it’s difficult to give conclusive answers, self-doubt really kicks in afterwards. I hope everything adds up in the end. However, I will have to wait three whole months to learn about my results. The other subjects will keep us busy though. I wish I had a quieter weekend ahead. I want to sleep.